CHAPTER 4: CAMPING

  

Lower Rio Grande Valley National Wildlife Refuge

_{I heard the yawn, and sounds of movement, outside our tent and pulled the flap apart just enough to see, and the vision of golden morning shone through layers of sleep and I was suddenly gloriously awake.  It was a good morning.  Golden.}

_Refreshing. 

_{The sun streamed through the trees and foliage like some special effect in a schmaltzy romance. Birds flew from trees to unknown destinations. Squirrels seemed to chase them, but hopped to branches in search of god knows what.  An animal of some kind had scurried across the ground into the brush so fast I didn't know what it was, though I suspected some large lizard.} 

_{And there as if framed by all the nature stood Billy stretching the sun back-lighting him so the hair on his head and arms glowed.  In fact the hair on his legs glowed too, outlining his legs like a fuzzy golden halo.} 

_{His muscles moved as he stretched, bending over, leaning to one side then the other. He lifted one of his athletic legs to his chest then the other as he continued to bring all his muscles to life.}  Billy was naked. 

_{It seemed natural to be bareass in the nature setting of their campsite. He turned and the tufts of hair on his belly glowed in the sunlight as did his pubic hair.} 

His cock dangled but seemed half hard. Backlit by the sun his ballsack hung down between his legs eclipsing the sun, outlined by a golden halo.  Then as if Billy knew I was watching he pulled his ballsac out in front of him. His fingers encircled the flesh and stretched the skin. His testicles seemed to respond by falling a bit lower into his twin sack, one slightly lower than the other.

_{Then he tilted his head backwards as if taking a drink of nature as his hand held his penis stretching and stroking it. Billy obviously felt the pleasure from the expression on his face. Suddenly his eyes opened and he turned to look towards our tent. I drew back in letting the flap close, hoping my camping buddy didn't see me watching ogling him. By the time I dared to look out again, Billy was walking away from where he had been standing over toward his motorcycle.} 

We had set up our campsite in a nice clearing among the trees where someone before us had already built a fire ring, and even rolled some cut logs over in a circle around the ring--most likely some boy scout group. Above us there was enough open air for the fire we had made last night to billow it's smoke up and for the stars to shine through.  The eastern horizon, where is showed through between the branches and leaves was on fire with dawn.  The star filled darkness had been replaced by blue sky. 

_{It had been a good night, out here.} 

I found a photograph of a tent very similar to my Dad's.

_{No alarms, deadlines, pretenses, lecturing parents, judgmental teens, demanding teachers, or even cell phones. Last night, Billy and I sat next to our campfire, watching the smoke bear the souls of the trees up into the heavens.  We saw the occasional falling star, listened to the sounds of coyotes howling, and in the distance we could even hear what I imagined could only be some scout group drumming, dancing, and chanting a song. And we had had a talk about his reaction to me swallowing his load when he shot his load in the shed.} 

_{"When you swallowed my cum," Billy had asked, as we were sitting across from each other on our respective log seats, "Did you like it?" I heard the question but continued to stare at the flames licking up at the night sky instead of answering.} 

_{"I'm sorry, Billy.  Don't be mad." It was an evasive answer, but the best I could do, and honestly it was the main thing on my mind.  We were friends.  Hell I was falling for the guy, head over heels, and I didn’t want him thinking I was some kind of pervert.}

_{"Mad?  I'm not mad, Davy." Billy was unbuttoning his shirt, stripping it off down to his wife-beater, which he then stripped off to pat away the sweat gathered under his arms.  "I like the way you suck my dick.”  He leaned forward and I could tell from the expression on his face he was trying to explain himself in earnest.  “Hell the first blow-job before was from a baby sitter a few years ago.  She insisted on watching me bath, and then went on about how my dick was already bigger than her boyfriend’s.”   Then he added, "I like you Davy."}

_{I asked him if he had had sex with any other girls, and he held up his hand with his first three fingers splayed and said "Three."  Then added, "Yes her, and one of her friends, and a girl Jimmy used to go out with."  His expression said there was a lot more to that story.}

_{He paused and looked directly into my eyes. “And I want you to do it again," and a serious expression crept across his face, and there was a long pause as he was gathering his courage to ask me something and from the length of the pause I knew it was going to be one hell of a question, "But you have to be honest with me Davy, are you queer for me?"}

_{I hesitated for a long time.  I knew he already knew the truth, and that if I lied to him now, it would just be--Well, let’s just say we would both know I was lying.  At last I took a deep breath and admitted it, "Yeah, Billy.  I am."}

_{"Oh," he said, "I see."  Then thought.  "Have you had sex with any other guys?  I mean, besides sucking your brother?"}

_{"No," I answered.  "Maybe some jerking off, but that's all."}

_{He grinned broadly, walked around the fire and knelt down next to me.   I had tears welling up in my eyes, not because I was sad but because I was so fucking scared of what he was about to say or do, but I knew the truth had to come out.  “I think about you all the time, Billy.  And when your not with me, I’m thinking about when you will be.”}

_{There was a long awkward pause, then Billy said, "I'm not queer, Davy.” He held my gaze, then added, “But I have never felt like this before.  I asked my brother and he said two guys can't love each other.”  My tears started to etch wet lines down my cheeks, and Billy got up and squeezed in to share my log seat, I thought I knew what was coming.  Billy was going to reject me, just like I feared, and he’d fucking told his brother about what happened and it wouldn’t be long before everyone knew I was a cocksucker.  I was just like Chuck had warned me it would be.}

_{“But see we’re at that age, guys our age, we can do some stuff, but later on, there’ll be girls. Even Jimmy and Chuck knew that”  Billy went on, “You need to understand that,” he stressed the ‘you’ when he said that and poked me in the chest with a finger for emphasis. And then he put his arm around me, “But that doesn’t mean you can’t suck my dick tonight, and it doesn’t mean I won’t love it.  Hell, last night I jerked off twice thinking about how you shot your load when you put your hand on my wood in the movies, and then again when we were wrestling in my room.  It's pretty hot thinking about how you are so turned on to me that you pop your cork every time I touch you!"  He went on, “Makes me feel powerful.  Makes me wanna protect you. You make me feel like a man, not a boy.”}

David (1993)

"I was afraid you would hate me if you found out." I confessed.

_{"Honestly, Davy, I'm not sure exactly how I feel.  You told me that you think about me, well I think about you too.”  He pulled me head against his shoulder and wiped the tears off my cheeks.  "I think about you like I have never felt bout anyone," he continued, "Any girl."  It was so strange to see him behaving so tenderly with me. “I just know I really liked it when you swallowed my jizz.  And it makes me feel all powerful that you are so turned on to me.  And I’m gonna tell you the truth, I love that your dick is like less than half the length of mine.  I know you won’t try to argue with me that I am the man in this relationship.” He snorted, "Davy, you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch."  That felt good.  Real good. And then he said it, "I guess I owe Chuck a 'Thank You!' for all the training, don't ya think?"}

_{He could have gone all day without bringing that up.  Really.  Sometimes people have no control over their mouths.  Really, I mean this, never miss an opportunity to keep your mouth shut.  We really need to think more before we start to spew out our words.  I couldn't really look him in the eye after that, so I just looked down at the flames licking up from the glowing embers at the edge of the circle.  After that we went into the tent and I sucked his dick, and jerked him off, and he came three times before he got tired, some of it landed on me and mixed in with my own loads I had shot on myself, and some I swallowed.    I wondered  about how his more mature spunk might change me, and hoped, upon hope, that it would help me to develop more into the kind of man he already was.  Not like Chuck.  I had read about bodybuilders injecting themselves with testosterone; hell I was just drinking directly from the spigot so to speak.}  

_{Now, in the morning light, I stretched out lazily in my sleeping bag, the taste of his cum still in my mouth, the smell of him still permeating all my senses. I had fantasized about this camping trip imagining Billy and I running naked through the brush like ancient Neanderthals. And we had.  My own small cock was rock hard. Perhaps it was the air, the freedom, the night of deep sleep or the sight of Billy enjoying the surroundings as well. My chest, shoulders, and though I hadn't yet noticed it, my hair was splattered with load after load of dried cum.  Both his and mine.}

_{I was glad Billy had gotten the idea to come out here and clear the air between us.  I remembered:}

_{"We should do something different. You camp?" Billy had asked me the day after our jerk-off game in the shed.} 

_{"Uh you mean like hiking and canoes and campfires?"  I asked.}

_{Billy laughed, "No the kind with tents and sleeping bags, of course, Two Strokes!"  Billy was now in the habit of calling me that, but luckily had not bothered to explain to anyone else just what it meant, thank god!   So it was that simple.  We threw together our supplies and got on his motorcycle.}

_{So now we were camping in a park area adjacent to a wildlife preserve, shouldering the backpacks and hiking up steep hills and breathing hard for hours while joking, recalling Boy Scout stories and feeling like the world was letting go of the tight clutch on our lives. I make it sound like we hiked a lot farther than we did.  Billy was far to enamored of his motorcycle to walk too far from where it was parked at our campsite.} 

_{I looked around for the clothes I’d shucked off last night in the tent, but they were gone.  In fact my whole backpack was missing. I looked around the tent then decided either Billy was pulling a prank or maybe was just trying to pack up to break camp and move on to some new site.  There was nothing left in the tent except for me and my sleeping bag. I decided to just go on out au natural, well except for my tennis shoes, which. he'd left in the tent.  I put them on.  No socks. If there was nothing else to do, then you did what you had to do with class, I guess.  If Billy could walk out into nature naked why couldn’t I? And part of me wanted Billy to see me totally naked too, even with my little cock hard and stuck out in front of me.  I rolled up my sleeping bag and stashed it next to the entrance to the tent and crawled out. Standing naked in front of our tent, I sucked in the air as I had seen Billy do. Then stretched my body as Billy had done too. Looking around I didn't see Billy anywhere, then saw he was over by his motorcycle. Snatching up my sleeping bag I carried it with me, sort of as a shield, a meager covering I guess.}  

_{But by the time I got closed the distance from the tent to where his motorcycle was parked, Billy was dressed.  Well, he had on his pants anyway.  It seemed to me like most of times when he could at all get away with it Billy went shirtless. But that was true of me and my brother, and my Dad too, at least before he left. Except mom always insisted we wear shirts at the dinner table.  From what I had seen of Jimmy I assumed this was a family custom.} 

_{“Hey, sleepy head,” he looked over at me as I stood across from him on the other side of his motorcycle.  He was going through one of his saddlebags.} 

_{“You got my clothes?” I asked that first thing.  I was trying to be nonchalant about it, but honestly, being naked was embarrassing me now that the sun was up and bright.} 

_{He sort of ignored me, but patted my backpack which was already zipped up tight and strapped to his bike, then went on with whatever else he was doing. Along the way he grabbed my sleeping bag and attached it to the back of his bike next to his, securing it with a bungie chord.} 

_{I feigned patience and asked “So what’s on the agenda for today? You look like a man with a plan.”} 

_{“I am.” He said, “I am the man with the plan.”} 

_{“So, don’t keep me in suspense, what are we doing?” I asked, paused then suggested, “Hike?”} 

_{“Well for a start you are gonna have to get used to staying naked,” he smiled broadly.} 

_{“Huh?” I asked.  It wasn’t eloquent, just a guttural response to my surprise.} 

_{“Remember our game?” He asked me, tapped his finger onto the side of my head, “I won the game, got three wishes.  I still got two wishes left!”}

_{”And you want . . .” I started to ask.}

_{“I want you to stay naked for the rest of the campout.”  He smile broadly, "I like looking at you!" and he said it so sincerely that I almost didn't mind fulfilling his wish until I thought about it.  "I like how your pud actually disappears back inside you like a turtle head."}

_{“You’re joking,” I laughed.  It was an embarrassed laugh.  I thought about those scouts we had heard the night before.  They couldn’t be that far away.  What if we ran into them out here?  “C’mon?” It was a request, but I was already starting to get a pleading sound into my voice.}

_{He looked up at me and snorted, “Whatcha ‘fraid some cub scout’s Vienna Sausage is gonna outgun you?” He laughed.  He thought he was being pretty funny.} 

_{“Anyway, you stay here at the camp,” he said, “I left the cooler and the food.  Maybe you could make us some lunch.  I’ll be back in a couple of hours.  I’m gonna run and get a few supplies we forgot,” but his last few words were cut off by the low, throaty rumble of the engine kick-starting.  With that kicked back the stand and rolled of down the road back in the direction of the highway.}

_{I hung out at the campsite for a while, even opened up some packages of trail mix.  I even forgot that my clothes were gone, and went back into the tent to find them before remembering that Billy had driven away with my backpack, and all my clothes, strapped to the back of his bike.   I kept hearing sounds like someone on the road.  Distant laughter, but no one showed up.  I got bored and even worse, got horny sitting out there naked.  I decided to go back into the tent and jack off. I finished my first load and was about three quarters the way to my second when I heard some voices and footfalls, and it occurred to me I had no rag to wipe off with. I could hear several of them and peaked out to see them talking and circled around our smoldering campfire. Maybe someone saw me peek out, because one of them actually called out to see if anyone was around. I stayed quiet hiding inside the tent, hoping my fucking erection would go away, and hoping none of them decided to come around closer to investigate.}

_{I saw several shadows fall across my tent, and then someone was messing with the zipper on the flap.}

_{I looked around, but the tent was empty.  There was abso-fucking-lutely nothing to cover up with.  Clothes, towels, and sleeping bag were on his motorcycle.  And Billy and his bike were both gone.   When the zipper finished its trek, the tent flap peeled back and there was one guy there, looked like he was about my younger brother's age, he wasn't in uniform but he was a scout.} 

_{I tried to cover up my dick with my hands, then realized that just looked like I was jerking off my short shaft.  I let go and put my hand on my thigh.  Better naked than jerking off.  There really wasn't anything else to do.} 

_{There was a look of surprise when he realized I was naked in an empty tent. "Fuck," he said.  A normal reaction in an unexpected situation to be sure.  He followed up with, "Are you ok?" he said, "Is that. . .?" He let his voice drift off, but he was pointing at the long splashes of spooge on my chest and shoulder. He was old enough to know what it was.  My face blistered red with embarrassment.}

_{"Yeah," I said.}

_{"Okay," he said, and then I realized he was as embarrassed as I was.  There was something familiar about him. He pulled himself back outside the tent, and I saw him running back to join his friends. Several of them laughed and a couple pointed over to the tent.}

_{But none of them came back, they hiked on down the trail, and soon enough they were gone.  It seemed, well, unscoutly for him not to have at least fetched me a pair of boxers, but he didn't.} 

_{After a while I could hear a motor approaching and sure enough Billy returned on his bike, then drove right on past the camp and followed the trail down to the stream's edge.}  

_{I got out of the tent and followed after him for a few hundred yards working my way down the trail. There was a thick grouping of prickly pear cactus, still blooming bright yellow but would soon turn into ear shaped fruit, like my dad used to turn into jelly.  Being naked, I stayed well clear of them.   At least I had my tennis-shoes.  Through the trees I saw his motorcycle parked in the shade, and snuck over to it only to discover my backpack was no longer strapped onto it.  “Fuck!” it slipped out a little more than a whisper, unintentionally, as I realized that he’d hidden my pack somewhere—and all my clothes in it!} 

Rio Grande Valley mesquite and cactus.

Billy was laying some distance away, flat on a lush patch of thick dark green grass sunning himself near the river’s edge. His eyes were closed, and aside from his hard cock sticking into the air pulsing up and down occasionally, he was laying there perfectly still on his towel.  My own small dick throbbed at the sight of his pulsating shank.

 _{"I want to go swimming in a while," he said as my shadow fell across him.  He never even opened his eyes.  "Maybe then some fishin'"}

 _{"You want to go get the rods and the bait?"}

 _{"Not yet," he said, "Not here, there is a better place further upstream."}

 _{"Okay," I agreed  I would have agreed with most anything.}

 _{"What I want you to do now is give me a bath," he said, folding his arms behind his head like a pillow on the grass.  He continued to lay there quietly.} 

 _{I paused, not understanding.}

 _{"Pretend you're a cat and I'm a kitten," he said, and smiled.  "Use your tongue."  He smiled broadly and the sun glinted off his teeth.  He was just so fucking beautiful.  His blondish body hairs were reflecting sunlight.  He could have been my own hairy guardian angel.   I was trying to decide what was going on.  Billy had told me he was straight, he'd even gotten angry when I'd swallowed his spunk.}  

_{Looking back I could see his efforts to pull his shank out of my mouth as he was shooting out his load and I was pushing down against his shank to catch it down my throat.  It was a trick I'd learned to keep from gagging when blowing Chuck.  But now he was asking me to lick his body.  I could not think of anything more gay between two guys that to give another guy a tongue bath.  And from the way his dick was throbbing in count to his pulse, I knew he was about as aroused as a man could be.  His penis was so much darker than the other skin on his body, red, going purple almost, and there was a small pool of clearish liquid pooling beneath the tip of his dick that tilted up and away casting a long shadow a ways left of his navel toward his left hip, the direction his cock curved. like a sundial marking the noon hour.  Except his rod of his sundial was radically bent so that 12 o'clock was more in the three o'clock position.} 

 _{I knelt down on my knees next to him in the grass and started to lick his cock, when he called no me, "No, start here," he was pointing using the forefinger on his right hand to signal his left armpit, "finish there."}

 _{I swallowed involuntarily and then moved up toward his upper body.  The sun glinted off sweat in the hairs of his armpit.  It was not especially hairy, and the silky hairs there were blondish, not black like my own.  I kneeled down and could take in his scent.} 

 _{Powerful.  Musky.  Masculine.}

_{I extended my tongue and began to lick his pit.  He wasn't wearing antiperspirant or I think this would have been odious. I had sucked my brother's penis before, many times, but I had never cleaned an armpit with my tongue, and the passing thought of disgust barely registered because there was nothing disgusting about Billy's body.  Not no where, not no how.  There was no part of him I was unwilling to explore, to caress, to serve.  The scent of him was intoxicating, exciting, moved me beyond my own throbbing erection to a whole new level of excitement I could not have expected.  As my tongue scraped across the hairs in his pit, the combination of excitement, scent and texture overwhelmed me and I convulsed sending streaks of my teen spirit across the grass, and several shots across his side and one that even made it into the middle of his chest.} 

_{And he hadn't even fucking touched me.  Hell, I hadn't even touched me.  He laughed.  Loud and long and strong.  "Hey Two Strokes, " he said between guffaws, "I may have to change your name to "No Strokes."  I paused and he added, "You better clean me up, don't you think?"}

_{I continued to waver between embarrassment and ecstasy as I bent down to lick my own teen spirit off his body.  This turned him on, cause I saw how his curved cock hardened up even more, a drip of pre-cum formed at the tip.  The task of my own boy juice mixed with his sweat and the salt off his skin was a new erotic high.  No other man would affect me like Billy until later in the summer of my junior year when I met Fox, who also had access to some erotic button and could make me cum almost at will.  Thinking back on it I suppose that there was some power that Billy was exhilarating in, the power to make me cum on command.  He knew that I was so desperately and erotically drawn to him that he had complete control over my body in ways I could not even control myself.} 

 _{It took a while to finish his tongue bath.}

 _{When I'd finished his front half, he turned over and lay down on his stomach in the grass.  I brushed off the bits of grass clinging to his skin and started licking his back and shoulders in earnest.  The skin there was so smooth.  I paused when I gort down below his waist, and took on his legs, not sure at all how I was going to manage his ass.  I had read and even seen some internet pictures of a guy eating some other guy's ass.  I decided to skip the crack of his ass and start on own the back o his thighs.  But he told me to get back to his ass.  So i did.  As I pulled his cheeks apart to reveal the deep valley of his ass I saw the hairs were darker there than anywhere else.}

 _{Again, without thinking, I acted.  What I saw in front of my face was not nasty, and was sexy as hell.  I leaned forward and sucked air through my nose, loving the smell immediately.  I moved ahead until my nose was buried in his puckered pinkish brown hole.  I took a tentative lick, and was instantly addicted.  He reacted by tightening his sphincter.  I licked everywhere I could reach.  Then started back on his thigh, and again he spoke up, redirecting me to get my tongue in his hole.}

_{I complied.  I spread his cheeks more and stuck my tongue right up his pretty hairy asshole, licking and pushing as far as I could.  It wasn't nasty like I had expected, I could smell soap in is crack, and realized he had planned this, had gone to clean himself first.  Fuck!  He raised his ass a little to meet my tongue, writhing against me, constantly saying things like, "Your tongue feels so good in my asshole,"   I continued my assault, my lips against his rim and my tongue deep inside him, savoring his wonderful taste, licking, kissing and sucking his asshole.  It was great, but I knew I wanted more.} 

 _{Billy lay there, not silently, obviously he had enjoyed it, then as a reward for my services, tuned over again, offering me at last his penis.  The shadow of his sundial had moved toward his left hip even more, exaggerated even more by the curve leftward of his member.} 

_{As I closed my mouth around his beautiful cock, he shuddered, and his erect cock began to harden even more.  It felt hot in my mouth.  Leaning in from where I was kneeling next to his left hip, I was soon sucking and slurping on his fat bent banana, and loving it. He lay back passively as I teased his cockhead with my tongue, and then I swallowed the whole length of his shank, slowly and progressively, sometimes gagging and trying again until I got him down my throat.  I had to change my angle so the bend in his dick matched the downward bend at the back of my mouth so I could swallow him. Billy was getting very turned on in spite of the fact that he had said that he was not really into other guys.  Apparently, my mouth on his teenaged cock was stimulating him to great passion, and he was rapidly approaching orgasm.}

 _{I was giving Billy what I hoped was the blow job of his young life, something that he'd once shared that the girls that he'd hung out with could not do so well. He began to let out gasps of pleasure, as he gently thrust his thick cock deeper into my throat and placed his hands on my head to trap my head against his crotch so he could force his shank deeped down my gullet.   It was an effort to swallow him.  I was learning to deep throat for the first time.  If his dick had been any longer or any thicker I don't think I could have managed it.}

_{I could barely hear him moaning, "Suck my dick," as his breathing got very heavy. I could tell that he was about to cum. Much faster this time than before.  He kept moaning, and whispering, "Suck my dick," over and over.  Suddenly, he started to sit up and look over into my face. I was sideways perpendicular to him to accommodate his curve.   Then Billy said, "I'm about to jizz. Do you want to take it?"} 

_{I moaned yes, yes, which came out all groan with my mouth still stuffed with his throbbing shank. He grinned and enthusiastically said, "Ahh!" repeatedly, as he laid his head back down on the grass and really started fucking my face, with his rock hard weapon. His dark blond pubes brushed against my lips and chin.  He started moaning real loud, and I could not even understand his mumbling, until I felt the cock in my mouth pulsate wildly, and I heard Billy shout. "I'm jizzing!", as he grabbed onto my head and forced his way deep down my throat.  I drew in a breath just in time, and could feel, more than taste, his loads of thick juice erupting into my throat.  Then he pulled back some and shot off in my mouth. It was a thick delicious load, that I savored.  His cum tasted distinctly different from Chuck's, although there was way less of it in volume.}

 _{I lay there extending my body out across the sunkissed grass with my head in his lap, licking up the remaining cum dribbling out of his cock. After much too short a time for me, he got right up and headed to the water, and said,"C'mon in."}

This is not Billy.  This is Gary Cooper's nude scene from an old silent movie, one I have never seen, called, Wolf Song (1929).  I include it here because it reminds me of the feeling I had during my campout with Billy.  

_{After we splashed ourselves clean in the stream, he grabbed his clothes from a bag next to his bike and got dressed.  He got on his bike and motioned for me to join him.  I sat down on what he called his "bitch seat".  I was naked.  He was fully dressed.  "Let's go back to camp," he said, which was within walking distance of where he'd been sunning himself.} 

_{"I'm naked" I said.  It was odd sitting on his motorcycle naked.  I felt very vulnerable, and the rational part of my mind was thinking of the bad things that could happen if we fell.}

 _{"I know," was all he said.}

_{The motor reved and I put my arms around his waist, pressed myself against him and held tight to him.  We road up to the camp, but, typical of Billy he had other plans, and we just kept heading toward the road, turned left, and headed the direction the scouts had come from earlier during his absence.}  

_{And it was clear to me that he intended to have me riding naked on his bitch seat at the mercy of wherever he decided to take me.  I can't say I wasn't anxious about that, but I just decided to go with it, and pressed myself against him even tighter.  I slipped my right hand down from his waist to his crotch and discovered his dick was already full hard, trying to free itself from the confines of his jeans.  I worked my fingers down into his pants and got hold of his tender man-shank, which was, I guess, not something he was expecting, because his body convulsed and he had to bring his bike to a sudden halt at the side of the road while he unloaded unexpectedly all over my hand, wrist, and the inside of his jeans.}

 _{"Damn you," was all he said.}

 _{I was smiling so wide.  Not even Tom Cruise in sunglasses could match that grin.  See I knew then that no matter what he said, I too, could trigger him.  He could call me a fuck buddy instead of a boyfriend if he wanted.  And the thing is, Billy never did ever say out loud that he loved me, or that I was his boyfriend.  But at that moment I knew the truth.}

_{"Okay, Two Strokes," he smiled and pushed my hand back down into his pants as I started to withdraw it.  I regained my grip on his cock which twitched, pulsed and started to plump up again nicely in my grip,  His body could not deny what was going on.  He was imprinting sexually onto me, if he hadn't already, more than any of the girls in his history.  He leaned back into me, reved the motor and we lurched forward again.} 

 _{"Let's go swimming."}

<sub>Billy and I both got into the river and swam instead of fishing. I think swimming is what I like to do best. There was bound to be some splashing and fooling around. While we were swimming in the river, we saw a small ocelot pad it way along the bank  I think it had come for water, but we were there swimming, so it was cautious.  It watched us a while, tentatively came down to drink a ways upriver, then left. We eventually got tired and came out of the water. I noticed his stiff dick and without speaking, swam around behind him and reached around to start stroking him in the water.

After a while he got behind me and poised his penis at my rear entrance.  

"You ready?" he asked.

I nodded, nervous as hell about this sudden turn of events.   Billy's dick was very large.  Lots bigger than Chucks, and his felt like he was sawing me in half.  Billy's would hurt even worse. I figured.

He poised the tip of his shaft right at my hole and pushed in.  I felt it parting my sphincter, and it started to hurt.  I must have made some sounds because he paused and asked if I was okay.  I shook my head, but said, "Keep going just real slow,"

And he did, and I screamed.  It started out like pressure and very quickly turned into something huge ripping its way into me, and suddenly being in the water with Billy got mixed up in my head with the time Chuck had forced himself into me when he was drunk.  

I'm not sure what would have happened next, but as he withdrew from me, we got interrupted.</sub>

I heard a car, so did he and he started to run back to his bike without thinking but the car was pulling up alongside his bike before he even left the water. I was buck naked and he still had a hard on. Adrenaline rush.  

_{A man in a uniform got out. My thoughts were "Oh, what's going to happen now. He walked down toward us, saw Billy's clothes scattered in the grass on the shore, and Billy and I in the water.  Billy had gotten back next to me hoping the deeper water would hide the fact we were both naked}

_{"Hello boys," He said, friendly enough.  "I am Scoutmaster Townsend, do you two boys own the tent just up the road?"   I knew who he was once he got closer.  Townsend was also the minister of the Baptist mission, that provided services to Hispanic migrants and farm workers.  Many of them did not have papers.  They had just come to Texas looking for a chance at a future.  Townsend was not a bad man.  I knew his son, a bit of a bully, but aren't a lot of minister's sons that way?}

_{"Um, I-I. . . " I faltered, "Yeah, it's mine"  I wiped at my face, realizing I was so scared I'd started to tear up.  My ass was on fire.  I put my right hand to it.  I don't know what I thought I would discover.  My asshole was there, but unhappy about getting prodded, and it was burning something fierce.}

_{He looked over at Billy and then at me, "You're David Czerny?"  I could see his eyes scrutinize me.  He could see my tearful eyes I'm sure.  All the hysterica from my flashback about Chuck were gone, Dispelled by his unexpected visit. I wondered if the water covered anything from where he was standing.  He had to know I we were skinny dipping.  But that wasn't uncommon in rural areas.}

_{"Y-yes," I answered, now more nervous than ever.}

_{"Are you two boy's alright?" he said.  He looked back and forth between us.  His voice was serious.  One of my scouts told me he saw you in a tent a little while ago.  He thought you might be in trouble."} 

_{"No," I said, trying very hard to stay calm, "I'm fine."  And at the same time Billy joined in with "He's fine."}

_{"You two boys have enough gear?  Supplies?"  The scoutmaster asked. "My scout said it didn't look like you had any gear with you."  He looked back over at me.  Billy pointed over at his bike at the backpacks and gear strapped to it.}

_{"Well, that's good then.  No problems.  You're sure?" Townsend said}

_{"No, we're fine."}

_{I asked, "How do you know my name?"}

_{"My scout, the one who saw you in your tent.  He recognized you."  He said, "He goes to your school, knows your brother."} 

_{"Oh," I said nervously.  If he had told the scoutmaster about seeing me in the tent, then I was pretty sure he had mentioned I was naked too.}

_{Then the other shoe dropped. "Well, public nudity is illegal," said the scoutmaster as if on cue. "You better get a some pants on."  He turned to walk back to his car, then said, "I'll send someone back to check on your later, just to make sure everything is okay."  Then he added, "Your folk's know where you are?"}

_{"Yes," Billy said, "They do."}

_{"Well alright then."  The scoutmaster said and walked the distance back to his car. "Make good decisions," he admonished us which was all I needed to hear to know that there was a lot known but not being spoken.}

_{Billy watched him go and we ran for his bike after he left.  Billy dug in my pack and threw a pair of swimming trunks over to me.} 

_{"We better go," He said.} 

_{I nodded my own agreement, wondering if he called my mom what would he tell her.  Would he tell her one of his scouts saw me naked in a tent?  Fuck!  I wondered if he would send someone to check on us later like he promised, but if he did, we weren't there.} 

_{We finished our campout in the woods behind our house.  Mark, of course, joined us when he knew we were there.  Mom said she was glad she knew where we were, but if the scoutmaster had called her she never mentioned it.  There wasn't going to be any more intimate conversation after Mark joined us, but we still had fun, cards and campfire tails.  Mostly legends from the area.  The lost boys, the Lechuza lady,  ghosts, even a story about a vampire at the ruins of an old mission, all local legends.  And I have always been pretty good at telling stories.}

After Mark finally went to sleep, Billy sat down next to me by our campfire.  "Did I hurt you?"

I knew he meant when he was fucking me by the lake.  I had come unglued.  It is so strange how you can be somewhere and then some memory swallows your reality and you don't know where you are.  Your reality for the moment is both reality and memory.

"Yes," I said, and my mind sort of went numb.  The kind of numb where you don't want to think, don't want to feel, just exist until the bad feelings and thoughts go away.

"I'm sorry," he said.  And I knew he was being genuine.  "We don't have to..."

_{But I interrupted him.  "No, you don't understand," It did hurt but, I dunno, maybe we just didn't get it in right, or something, it just hurt."  He put his arm around my shoulder.  "But it wasn't just that," and then I started to cry again, "For a minute I thought you were Chuck."}

_{I felt him tense up.}

_{"Oh." he said.  It was just one word, but I heard many words, silent words being not said.} 

_{I felt like I needed to add something.  "He was drunk."  Like that was an excuse.}

_{"Jimmy can be an asshole too," he said.  I figured there was a lot of words there too not being spoken.}

_{"Well" he said, "we don't have to. . . " He was still going there.}  "Does it always hurt?"

_{"Billy, your dick is this big" I used my hands to make a standard gesture of measurement to portray his length.  But when you started to push inside me it felt this big," and added a foot to it.  "So yes, I'm pretty sure is going to hurt."}

Polaroid of Billy (1993)

There was a stretch of quiet.  It felt really good sitting there with my arm around him, feeling the warmth of his body pressed against mine.  Right at that moment, I knew he was feeling for me what I felt for him, there was a mutual attraction and for the moment he wasn't fighting it.   wanted to extend the moment forever.  If you could freeze a moment in time, freeze an emotion in place, well that would be a moment I could have done it.  

Then I said it again, "I love you."

_{"This is one powerful thing we got going on here." he said said, and his eyes were welling.  This would be probably the most hones ting he ever said to me, and the best explanation for the complicated emotions he was experiencing.  Everybody has emotions, but not everybody expresses them.  I dunno.  Some maybe can shut them down even.  I know there have been times in my life that I have. But then he said this true thing, "I don't understand it,  And it ain't nobody's business but ours. Bottom line is, this thing we got going on here, this attraction. it grabs us at the wrong time, wrong place, or somebody sees, we could be dead." he said flatly, "Hell my own dad would kill us.  He has said it many times to Jimmy and me.  He'd rather see us dead than queer. This is Texas," he added.  "Where men are men . .. "}

_{"And sheep are nervous?" I added, and it sort of broke the mood.   I remember seeing a sign that in a cartoon, then years later on t-shirts.  I wished right then that there was some sort of refuge for gay men, a place we could go to not be hunted.  You may not think so, but even in the 1990's in Texas, unless you were in a big city like Austin, or Houston, or Dallas, being openly gay wasn't a safe life choice to make.  Things are better these days, but then, now I live in Austin.  But as a kid your parents make choices for you.  Heaven help gay sons and daughters of religious zealots.  Maybe its part of why so many gay kids commit suicide.  Their parents, teachers, and peers drive them to it.  It is so hard to be a pariah.  In small towns I would bet it is still that way.}

Then Billy looked me in the eye and said it aloud. "See I love you too, Davy." Then half mumbled to himself, "And that's the problem."

_{I hugged him, wanted to kiss him too, but I knew right now, that was the wrong thing to do.}

Photo of refuge entrance.

_{Author's Note: As you read these chapters, please leave comments.  I would truly appreciate your feedback.}